Everyone who has followed this blog knows my feelings about the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It's gross, icky, the main characters are somewhat developed, but it's generally a slasher film. So would you believe me if I told you there is a version of a Texas Chainsaw Massacre with little gore in it? Or how about a version starring Renee Zellweger? Still don't believe me? Okay, how about a version with a transexual Leatherface?
Despite all of this, there is only one word for this film-LAME. The plot is pretty straightforward-a group of high-school prom kids get lost in the woods and eventually get seperated. One by one they stumble upon what I guess is supposed to be the Hoyt house (it's not the Hoyt family btw) and face a night of terrors. And yes, this movie is really starring Renee Zellweger.
So why is this movie bad? Here's a clip of the dialogue to give you an idea of how bad this film is.
Teenager 1: Call the police! There's been a horrible accident! This man's dying!
Real Estate Agent (blankly): Prom night!
Teenager 1 (sitting next to the cooler): Somebody bring me a glass of water please? Quick! I'm going to pass out.
Real Estate Agent: Goddam answering machine...don't worry he'll pick up. Bilmor, if you're there babe pick up the phone. Vilmer....(notices a teenager looking at her chest) You know what? Ever since I showed up with these every farmer in the county thought he was god's gift to woman. What the hell? Doubles my commission for six months. (turns to the phone) Goddamit it's about time! Vilmer, listen-some kids got in a wreck up the road and one of them's hurt.
This movie is so bad that it's awesome. There are plenty of lines in this movie which I think are supposed to be genuinely a parody. During one scene, the antagonist is leading our hero into a house with a shotgun. Our hero gets the best of him by running into the house and locking the door behind him. Then he pauses, looks around, returns to the locked door, and asks the antagonist where the phone is.
There are plenty of plotholes, of course. For example, one of the main characters is knocked out and locked in a freezer-and then we never, ever see him again. The Hoyt family was one of the more interesting aspects of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. This family, however, is pretty lame. They spend so much time arguing that Renee Zellweger gets the best of them several times (once by sternly telling them to sit down) and we even get introduced to two brand-new characters towards the end whose sole purpose is to yell at this family at what a terrible job they're doing. There is also almost no gore or blood in this movie, which is pretty astonishing for a Texas Chainsaw 'Massacre' movie.
There is some characterization, but it tends to go absolutely nowhere and often leads to more plotholes. For example, it is established that Renee's character has an abusive dad towards the very beginning. Is this important? Nope. Is it important that one of the teenagers was acting deliberately dumb and annoying most of the time? Nope. Is it important that Leatherface has decided to start wearing woman's clothes? Not really.
The behind-the-scenes are just as hilarious as the movie. Rather than talk about his film credits, the movie's biography spends a great deal of time explaining how actor Matthew McConaughey was arrested for drug possession. According to Wiki, he later tried to prevent this movie from showing in theatres.
Unfortunately, he didn't suceed.
FINAL GRADE: 1 star out of 5. This movie is horrible. The diagolue is pointless, the characters are annoying, and it is anything other than scary..
Still, I like it better than the other Chainsaw Massacre Movies.....