Bloggers note: No serious spoilers for this one, but I posted one or two scary images.
You know, we really do owe a lot to Japanese horror. We owe them for the demons with upside-down heads crawling towards us, and the black-veined psycho kids with huge mouths who seem to come out of nowhere when we’re at our most vulnerable.
Yeah, those kinds of monsters.
The Unborn borrows from all of these elements, which is surprising given who’s behind this. It was produced by the creators of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (okay, ew) and written by the same people who wrote the Dark Knight. Really? You sure you want to be associated with this movie? It only scored 12% on rotten tomatoes, after all. You sure? Okay, moving on.
Here’s the plot-a girl named Casey is being haunted by a mysterious boy ghost. As the ghost becomes stronger, it’s clear that he wants to become born again. How this is going to be accomplished I’m not entirely sure without some kind of child pornography involved, but thankfully that’s never explained.
What’s also thankful is that the characters are never developed. You might think this is a negative point, but…well, here’s some clips of dialogue.
Romy (Casey’s friend, on the phone): So, how are the kids? Did you have to like, change diapers or something like that?
Casey: Nope. The baby was down when I got here and the four year old conked out as soon as I visited him.
Romy: Do you think they have porn in their DVD collection?
Casey: Like I want to know what Mister Newton beats off to.
Romy: It’s certainly not Misses Newton.
Romy (Later at a senior‘s home, in front of an actual senior): That guy’s wearing a diaper! God, I never want to get old!
Romy (at a schoolyard): Newborns aren’t supposed to see their reflections until they’re at least a year old. It means they’ll die soon.
Casey’s boyfriend: According to whom?
Romy: It’s just one of those superstitions, you know?
Casey’s boyfriend: You’re retarded. She’s retarded!
Yeah, the less said from these morons the better.
This movie does have opportunity for character development, but it really is glossed over. For example, in one scene Casey freaks out during a lecture at school. Her boyfriend follows after her. Gee, wouldn’t this be a scene for some character development as he wonders what’s wrong with her? Eh, let’s just skip over to the next scary scene (no, literally). It’s pretty easy to figure out which scenes are going to be scary and when they’re not. These scenes are easy to predict, so they're not really scary.
GAH! GODDAMN YOU BATHROOM SCENE I WAS SO BORED I WASN’T PAYING ATTENTION!
It’s also easy to figure out who’s going to die, and in which order (let’s see, token black chick, feisty grandmother, hot boyfriend…he’s probably last) There are also some logic flaws in this movie. For example, there is one scene when, after a woman dies, the cops escort Casey through the yellow tape to see a body. No explanation given, nothing.
I have to say that this movie was more bearable towards the middle and end of the movie. The first part of the movie was scary sequence after scary sequence with almost no explanation why. In the middle we actually get some important backstory about the ghost. Who was this ghost? How was he created? Well, shouldn’t it be obvious? The Nazis did it.
What? Makes sense to me.
Final grade: 2 out of 5. Run-of-the-mill, predictable movie. Seeing how I got it out of the bargain bin for 5 bucks it’s not a huge loss.
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