Thursday, December 24, 2009

Movie Review: Catacombs

Here is the first line in the movie Catacombs:

"My sister, Carolyn, sent me a postcard that said 'Come to Paris. It'll do you good.' Within 48 hours of arriving, she and everyone I had met was dead.

Yeah, you can tell this movie is going to be upbeat.

This is the premise: Victoria is an anti-social girl. Her sister, Carolyn, invites her to an underground rave in Paris filled with actual walls of human skulls.

Wow, this place actually sounds awesome.

However, it turns out there is an evil, sadistic murderer dwelling underneath the catacombs. Victoria is separated from her friends and is trapped alone with him.

Since I'm not exactly spoiler-free in my reviews I'm just going to spoil two-thirds of the movie for you right now-Victoria searches for an exit. Yep, she spends a lot of time doing that. Aren't you glad I saved you three dollars? This movie is awful, probably because it's a direct-to-dvd movie made originally for The cinematography is bad, but then there is only so much you can do with just one character spending most of the movie just wandering around.

As for the characters? In my movie review of the Abandoned, I mentioned that Marie was a selfish woman, but I didn't really get into why. Well, the reason was because in one part of the movie, she leaves one of the main characters to die, even after he just saved her life and took a bullet for her. This movie is no different. Victoria abandons the only one other character after he injures himself (stealing his map in the process of course) and leaves him to die. These chicks sure do love them and leave them in a hurry. Why are we rooting for them again?

Is it scary? Let me put it this way-towards the middle I was so bored I fast-forwarded through most of the movie looking for the scary parts! I found only one, and it's more like a WTF moment then anything else. Not only that, it didn't make any sense. 

The ending has two twists which are both equally stupid. I'm not going to spoil either one, but let me lay down a hypothetical situation for you. Say you're a respectable cab driver trying to earn a living for your starving family. Suddenly, a person steps into your cab splattered from head to toe in blood. It is also painfully obvious this person has no money. This person calmly asks for a lift to the airport. Do you:

A) Take this person to the airport and assume that everything's fine. This won't raise eyebrows with customs at all.
B) Take this person to the nearest police station and have their ass arrested or
C) Drive them back to the catacombs rave because it's the coolest party ever! WOO! PARTY!!!

Stars: 1/2 out of 5. They get half a star for a rave with human skull walls. That's just cool.

I want to go to a rave now...

1 comment:

Donna said...

While I felt the "searching" part of Catacombs was really drawn out, I actually didn't mind the movie. It played a little more to the psychological than to the slaughter which was refreshing in this age of gore = scary. Sure, it could have been better but I've certainly seen a hell of a lot worse.

I also saw it for free on FEARnet On Demand. I heart free movies.